somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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