Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize