Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize