Whod you bang
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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