I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize