Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
