Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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