This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
