Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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