that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
