Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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