Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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