I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize