we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
