There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You did what with his pubic hair?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
