sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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