I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to cum in my sink.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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