idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
