You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
