hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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