You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
