I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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