operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
