Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
