i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
