do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
