We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
