I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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