About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
