If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
