dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
