He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
