I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
