I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
