Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
