just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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