well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
