its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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