Nicole vs. Life
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
