God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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