Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
