if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
