no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
