You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
