We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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