There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd cum for enchiladas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
