i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize