I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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