hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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