And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
