Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
