I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
