Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
