this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
