Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
