So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
