I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
