Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
