Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
