rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
