Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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