I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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