What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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