my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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