he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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