You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
