so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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