Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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