I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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