I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We need to get me chipped asap
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
