her vagine was all disorganized.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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