Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
