wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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