I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
