for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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