I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize