I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
