Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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