You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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