i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
