Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize