I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
