Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
