I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
