I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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