Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize