ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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