I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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