Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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