so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
