We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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