Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize