she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
