ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
