I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
