I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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