thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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