new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
