They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
