I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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