I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
