i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
