I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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