totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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