so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
