sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
