brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize